The Keys to Lasting Love
Relationships, like flowers, need nurturing, attention, and care in order to survive and thrive. Fairy tales often send the message that once you fall in love you automatically live happily ever after. Through experiences, we realize life is not a fairy tale and that we often have to work hard for things that are worthwhile.
Below are some tips that can help contribute to happy, healthy relationships:
Good Communication- Set aside special time to talk about each other and the relationship. Listen with full attention and reflect back what you hear the other person is saying. Try not to make assumptions regarding your partner’s thoughts, or assume your partner should know what you are thinking or want. Try to have positive, non-defensive discussions.
Realistic Expectations- Unrealistic expectations regarding relationships or your partner often leads to frustration and disappointment.
DO Sweat the Small Stuff- If something is continually bothering you let your partner know. Internalizing little things often builds up over time and can lead to resentments or bigger issues. With that said, we also need to pick and choose our battles and first see if there are small things we can let go of and/or accept.
Compromise- Healthy relationships involve give and take. Sometimes we just do things for others just because we know it is important to them. It is important that this works both ways.
Collaborative Effort- Remember that you both ultimately have the same goal of wanting to be happy in the relationship. Look at ways you are working together on this goal and work to discontinue the things that work against the relationship, divide you, or create competition.
Focus on the Positive- It is often very easy for us to pick out negatives in situations and giving them too much focus and weight. Focusing on what is right in the relationship helps to give us tools to build upon.
Nurture- Do things regularly that you know your partner appreciates and makes them feel special.
Outside Friendships and Interests- A healthy “I” is the basis for a healthy “us.” It is important for us to be able to grow individually within the context of a relationship. Spending time having our own interests and not relying on our partner for all of our needs or sole sense of support helps to create balance and happiness in a relationship.