How to Know if Your Child Is a Bully

No parent ever wants to find out that their child is being bullied. Often, they think, “Well if the parent of the bully would just step in and do something about it, everything would be solved.” Often times it is not that simple. Many parents are not even aware that their child is a bully. Sometimes parents can be in denial or misread their kid’s aggressiveness or meanness and dismiss it. What about you? If you found out your child was bullying kids in school, would you be confident enough as a parent to step in? These parents can feel like they failed and may not think they can do anything to change their kid’s behavior.

 

Signs Your Child is Bullying Others

  • They Have Mean Friends- This is almost a sure sign. If their friends push them around, are rude or mean to other kids, chances are your child is seeing this behavior, and copying or leading it.

  • Short Temper/Easily Frustrated- At home, if they find it difficult to control their anger, this will translate to other situations as well.

  • Violence at Home- Kids will either lash out at others because they are upset or simply because they think violent behavior is normal if they encounter or see violence at home.

  • Thinking They Annoy/Bother You- Your child will start to find attention in other ways if they feel like they bother you a lot or if they think you don’t have time for them.

  • Obsession with Popularity- Being popular has a persona that is carried out through multiple different media of a mean good-looking person that somehow everyone still likes. While sometimes this is a reality to them, you need to show your kid that there are better ways to be liked and that “popularity” is not exactly what they think it is.

  • They get into Trouble at School- This is a major red flag. Listen to teachers and staff about what they are saying to you. Do not dismiss it as, “just teasing” because things like that can still hurt feelings and continue to escalate.

  • Your Child is/was Being Bullied- A lot of times kids will cope with being bullied themselves by lashing out at others because they are insecure.

 

Sometimes, it is hard to distinguish if your child is actually bullying other kids. It is fairly possible that they have good grades and plenty of friends. That is why even if you don’t necessarily think your kid is a bully, it is important to talk to them about compassion for others. Tell them that they lose nothing by being kind to others. You have to remember that they are kids and they are still trying to fit in and find their place, so they might resort to things that make them feel like part of the crowd. Kids understand much more than we give them credit for. If you explain to them that they are causing real pain to others, then chances are, it will give them some perspective and they will think twice about bullying. However, this is sometimes not enough.

 

If you think your child is bullying because of problems at home or from them being bullied, make sure to show them support. Scolding them and putting them down for violent behaviors only promotes more violent behaviors. Again, explain to them what they are doing and how it is affecting others. Ask them what they need themselves to feel better and more confident to stop bullying others. Be sure to add that “just teasing” is still bullying.

 

Most importantly, if a teacher comes to you with a problem with your child, listen. Make a plan with them on how to solve the problem. You may want to consider counseling for your kid if you don’t think the problem goes deeper than a few talks with them. Know that violent or malicious behavior harms the aggressor as well as the victim. It is never too late to change and have them started on a better path. By seeking help and a solution to the problem, you are doing your job as a parent.

Nicki Masters