Helping Your Child Cope with Bullies
As parents, it is hard to top the horrible gut feeling when your daughter comes up to you and says, “Mom, I cried in the bathroom at school today because two girls in my class said I’m weird for being in ballet.” or perhaps when your son says to you, “I don’t want to go to baseball because the boys on the team say I throw like a girl.” According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, 1 in 4 kids will be bullied during the school year.
It is devastating to think that the beautiful child you made could possibly be picked on and ridiculed by someone else. Immediately, your first reaction might be to find out the names of the kids, call the teacher, talk to their parents, and really let everyone know how much your sweet child is hurting. However, did you ever stop to think that might make the situation worse than it already is? It is very possible that the kids will just continue to make fun of your kid, possibly even more than before once they find out their parent is fighting all their battles.
What Should I Do?
While there are some cases that do require parent involvement, such as physical violence, most of the time solace can come from themselves. By teaching your children that self-confidence comes from within, not from others, mean things other children say won’t matter. Talk with them and let them know that yes, people will say whatever they want, but it does not define them.
Key things to teach your child:
I do not have to get along with everyone, and most likely will not.
If I can honestly say to myself I tried my hardest, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I will get better in my own time through hard work.
It is not a bad thing to be proud of the things I like (extracurriculars, style, etc.).
Sometimes kids are not always trying to be mean, they’re just curious about me. Could I be thinking too much into a situation because I’m self-conscious? Teach them to know when things are meant to hurt them and when they’re not.
There are times when people are trying to be honest to help me, and I might not like the truth. However, if I know it is not true, I should not let it bother me.
Opinions do not mean facts.
Sometimes people are mean because they themselves are self-conscious or having a bad day.
By teaching your children to think about how the bullies think, they can better protect themselves from hurtful comments and words. Also, by teaching your children empathy towards people, it can help explain why their attackers do what they do and make them understand that it usually isn’t actually because of them, but because of a deeper meaning. It is also important to let your children know that they are always safe talking to you about situations at school. Let them know you are there for them. With the ability of self-defense against words, your children can become unstoppable and grow into the person they are meant to be.