Stop Being So Mean: Bullying & Behavior Problems
A typical scenario you have encountered may look like this: Jason, a 13-year-old 7th grader, is in trouble yet again. He flipped off his teacher and called her a bad name after she politely asked him to change seats. She sends him down to the principal, AGAIN, for behavioral intervention. Because he has had similar problems with other teachers as well as multiple demerits for walking the halls during class time, he gets an in-school suspension. Jason has also been recently defying the rules at home, often “getting into it” with his father, mouthing off to his mother, and fighting with his siblings. Many teachers and parents would label Jason as a perpetually “bad” child who is unruly and oppositional. Very commonly, the adults in his life are probably fed up and frustrated, so they often treat Jason negatively even when he is behaving well. Despite the parents’ and educator’s efforts, Jason continues to act out, and the pattern continues, over and over. Jason isn’t getting any better. Why?
As a result of this pattern, many adults get so frustrated that they withdraw from the child and label them as inherently “bad”, which in turn lowers the child’s self-esteem. Many adults mistake conduct problems for issues that are possibly much deeper and more serious. It is often difficult to discern a mild behavioral problem from a more serious behavioral or mood problem that warrants professional help.
Familial Causes of Behavioral Problems
Poor familial relationships
Lack of parental attention
Poor parenting practices including hostility and aggression towards the child
Parents who have their own psychiatric problems
Parents with a history of their own delinquency
Parents with a low frustration tolerance
Coexisting Conditions/Disorders Related to Behavioral Problems
Emotional problems
Anxiety problems
Body image concerns
Eating disorders
Drug and alcohol abuse
Mental retardation
Learning disorders
Speech and language disorders
Tourettes and tic disorders
Major depression where the child often displays the following symptoms:
marked irritability versus an actual expression of sadness
sleep and appetite changes
thoughts of death and dying
expresses wishes to harm self or others either verbally, in written form, or through drawings
isolation from family and friends
lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities
a sudden drop in grades
attention deficit difficulties
biological causes- including hormonal, blood sugar, and neurological problems
Other Related Causes
Academic problems
Self-esteem issues
Social skills difficulties
History of physical, sexual or emotional abuse
Underlying anger that hasn’t been expressed or discussed openly
Recurrent physical complaints such as headaches, stomachaches, and frequent colds
Adjustment difficulties to major life stressors including divorce, death of a loved one, the birth of a newborn, financial problems, moving
It is important to rule out the above coexisting conditions and problems prior to labeling a child with a behavioral problem. Often it is not clear whether the conditions and problems listed above actually caused the behavioral problems to occur or vice versa. However, we do know that frustration, sadness, and anxiety from many of the above difficulties can easily be turned into anger, which can result in oppositional behavior in children and teens. For children, teens, and many adults, anger is much easier o express than underlying, deeper emotions. Many families encourage open expression of anger by simply modeling aggression through physical violence and yelling. Children often model what they see and can gain negative attention by throwing temper tantrums. Likewise, other families foster conflict avoidance, where children are taught to mask true feelings or not express negative feelings at all. Either model is potentially dangerous for children who do not have the skills to channel their negative feelings into positive outlets.
Caution
Serious behavioral problems warrant immediate attention regardless of the underlying cause. If a child displays any of these behaviors, it is possible that he or she could be diagnosed with Conduct Disorder:
Repeated aggression to people and animals with little or no remorse
Repeated truancy from school
Repeated violation of house rules
Repeated attempts to run away
Often lies to avoid obligations and benefit themselves
Deliberately engages in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage
Deliberately destroys others’ property
Often bullies threaten or intimidate others
Often initiates physical fights
Has used a weapon that can cause serious harm to others
Has been physically cruel or torturing to animals or people
Has stolen while confronting a victim
Has forced someone into sexual activity
Treatment Options
It is important to recognize that the symptoms listed serve only as a guide. A trained mental health professional will be able to properly assess the child you are concerned about and find an appropriate treatment plan to fit their needs.
Treatment options for children and adolescents who have behavioral problems include:
Individual therapy to help the child learn rules, limits, and ways to express their feelings more appropriately
Family therapy to assist in building better parent/child relationships and appropriate parenting skills
A thorough physical exam to rule out medical causes of aggression and behavioral problems
Nutritional and diet management education
Sleep management education
Social skills groups
Specialized school interventions