Parents Are Not Friends

Growing up, you may have known someone who had free reign to do whatever they wanted, no rules, no consequences, etc. At the time, you may have thought, “how lucky they are to have ‘cool parents.’” To a teen, this does sound great; having parents who constantly wanted to please them and make sure they were always having fun. Unfortunately, even though a cool parent’s intentions may be good, not providing rules and structure to a growing teen only harms them in the long run.

Cool Parents

Parents are sometimes misguided and assume that acting like a ‘cool parent’ will make their child more likely to confide in them. However, there is no evidence that children trust ‘cool parents’ more. In fact, sometimes the intentions can be misread and embarrass kids, causing them to be less likely to talk to them about difficult situations in the future. Children and teens do need authority figures in their lives that guide them and set boundaries they must follow. Learning these life skills will be essential in adulthood. 

It's important to remember that being a responsible parent does not mean ‘authoritarian parent’. It is still possible for parents to manage a great relationship with their kids and still be in control. It's all about finding the right balance between being too cool and too oppressive.

For Kids

There will be times where your kids ask you, “why can’t you just be cool about this?” Chances are it is because it’s something inappropriate that they already knew you would not allow them to do. Remind them that while you’re there for them whenever they need you, you’re not their friend. You’re their parent.

As a parent, it's your job to be in charge and as your children grow up it’s part of their development to start pushing the boundaries you set for them. You do not need your kids to always like you, and they won’t. And if you have days where your kids despise you, you are probably doing something right. Don’t worry, someday they will understand. Saying no to your kids is not always easy, but it is what they need.