How to Express Anger Appropriately

Anger is a common emotion.  The emotional expression of anger can vary from feelings of mild irritation or annoyance to an intense feeling of rage. While many experience anger on a regular basis, it is important to understand how to effectively deal with our angry feelings. Especially when it involves the other people in our lives; friends, family coworkers, employees, etc.

Tips for Expressing Anger

1. Go directly to the person you are angry with: Try to be as direct as possible.  If you are angry with someone, it may help to discuss the situation with a third person for another point of view.  But you will get better results if you go directly to the person you are angry with.

2. Select a private setting: If possible find a private place where you and the other person can be alone. This private setting shows that you respect yourself and the other person. Public scenes can make everyone involved embarrassed and uncomfortable.

3. Be prepared to listen: This relates to the first rule.  If you are so angry that you cannot hear the other person, wait until you are ready to listen, then find that other person. Research shows, 80% of all great communication is spent listening.

4. Stick to the issue: Go back and ask yourself, “What am I threatened or hurt about?” Address that issue.  If that issue is valid, give yourself permission to be angry, but stick to the issue when expressing your anger.

5. Display direct eye contact: This can be difficult.  Direct eye contact means you are serious. When you don’t look at the other person, he or she feels discounted, however, direct eye contact does not mean staring the other person down.

6. State how you feel: Try not to place the blame directly on the other person. Instead of saying something like, “You never listen to me when I’m talking!” Try instead, “Sometimes you make me feel invalid when I feel like you’re not listening to me.” By not directly placing the blame on the other person right away, it invites a more conversational and healthy argument than the other way.

Hopefully, you found these few tips helpful, but if you need more guidance and support make sure you connect with one of the counselors at Avenues of Counseling and Mediation, in either our Medina or Akron, Ohio office.