Anger Versus Assertiveness

Anger is a normal and common response to a specific event, or it can stem from worries regarding an ongoing situation. The emotional expression of anger can vary from feelings of mild irritation or annoyance to an intense feeling of rage. While it is often healthy to express feelings of anger, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to do it. Expressing your angry feelings in a non-aggressive way is the best way to deal with anger. However, this is easier said than done. When angry feelings are suppressed and not addressed openly, it can lead to other problems such as physical (for example high blood pressure) and emotional (possibly depression). Unaddressed anger can take a toll on your work performance and personal relationships and really hinder your daily life. You can learn to address and express anger in a constructive and healthy way to help improve your quality of life.

What is Assertiveness?

Being able to express your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs is an important skill to have; giving a sense of control and dignity to your life.  However, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to assertively express yourself. When asserting your thoughts or feelings, you need to be honest and direct enough that you are validated and not overlooked, but not so direct your approach is angry or aggressive which could offend or degrade someone else. It is a delicate balancing act to be assertive, while also not violating the rights of others.

What are Assertive Rights?

Assertive rights are often overlooked. Many people were never taught these rights as children, and many are in relationships that are infringing on these rights. Recognizing and exercising these assertive rights will empower you and boost your self-confidence.

  • Be treated with dignity, compassion, and respect at all times

  • Make your own decisions about the course of your life

  • Have dreams and to work toward making those dreams come true

  • Feel good about yourself as a person

  • Choose who will be your friends, whom you will spend time with, and whom you will confide in

  • Make mistakes

  • Change your mind

  • Be happy

  • Ask for what you want

  • Follow your own values and standards

  • Express your own feelings both positive and negative

  • Determine your own priorities

  • Your own needs for personal space and time.

  • Be in a non-abusive environment

  • Change and grow

  • Have your needs and wants to be respected by others

  • Be uniquely yourself

Learning how to express your anger appropriately and be assertive when you need to are key skills that will come into play in multiple relationships and realms. If you think your skills in this area are lacking, seek out the advice of one of our Anger Management professionals at Avenues of Counseling and Mediation, in our Medina or Akron, Ohio office.

Nicki Masters