Timeouts: Good or Bad Strategy?
By Tiffany J. Peets, Ph.D., LPCC-S
I, like many of my friends who are parents, have struggled with implementing timeouts at times. Sometimes they can seem ineffective. That is because there are good and bad times to use them.
Time-outs are considered a “negative” consequence; meaning that you, the parent, are “removing” the child from something the child considers “positive.” Positives in a child’s eyes may be playing toys, having a snack, interacting with a playmate, etc. However, when the child is not complying with behavioral rules or expectations, a “timeout” removes the child from his or her “positive.” In contrast, putting a child in time out because he or she is not tidying the playroom would not be as appropriate as a discipline choice.
With this in mind, timeouts are most effective when the following guidelines are used:
Act quickly and swiftly when implementing; a timeout given well after the problematic behavior will lose its effectiveness.
Experts suggest a timeout be set at 1 minute per child’s age; such as a 3-year-old would get 3 minutes of “timeout”, this concept matches the child’s mental development (memory, attention span, emotional regulation, etc.).
The clock of the timeout does not begin until the child’s behavior is stabilized. For example, if a child tantrums initially for 4 minutes, those four minutes do not count towards the timeout clock.
The timeout spot must be quiet, safe, and separate from environment stimulation. For example, a timeout spot may be in a chair in another room without a TV, toys, siblings, etc.
A timeout must be started with parent-directed dialogue and ended with parent-directed reflection. For example, “Chloe, mom is putting you in your timeout spot because you were throwing your fruit snacks and not having good snack-time manners.” Then concluding the time out with “Chloe, can you tell mom why you were put in timeout? How should you eat your snacks? What do think you will do now because your snacks are on the floor?”
Use these principles consistently; remembering a new discipline strategy may take several attempts before it becomes more natural and “effective.”