Teen Romance: Just a Crush or Addicted Disaster?

Do you remember those adolescent years when you felt so in love for the first time? Many adolescents get caught up in what they believe is romantic or “puppy love,” and before long the relationship could bloom into either a nurturing love (aka healthy relationship) or a more powerful, unhealthy cycle commonly called “addictive love,” (aka an abusive relationship).

What is Romantic Love?

In romantic love, everything about the relationship and the other person seems perfect. Both partners usually try to show their better sides, and unattractive traits are not recognized or are redefined to seem like positive characteristics. Often the early warning signs of controlling behavior, extreme jealousy, and possessiveness are misunderstood as a sign of love and devotion.

In most cases, reality sets in, and eventually both partners begin to see each other’s faults. At this point, the relationship can grow into a nurturing or addictive relationship.

What is Nurturing Love?

Nurturing love is when romantic love matures into a deeper, more intimate relationship. Both people appreciate the other’s positive qualities but also recognize and accept each other’s limitations. Both partners want the other to grow and develop to her or his fullest potential. They encourage each other to have close friendships outside the relationship and get satisfaction from independent activities. If one person ends the relationship, the other will experience sadness and grief but will not be devastated to the point of being self-destructive, threatening to the other, or unable to function.

What is Addictive Love?

When the desire to be together every minute turns into a feeling of extreme need for the partner to be constantly available, romantic love has turned to addictive love. One or both partners says things like “I’ll die if he doesn’t call me,” or “I can’t live without her.” Addictive love is a learned behavior, and males and females often show their addiction differently because of their learned gender roles. Women will appear emotional and needy, while men will not appear this way, but when feeling desperate to keep the woman, he will try to control her. The man often does this by putting her down, calling her selfish, threatening to break up with her, etc.

In a male-female couple, the way a male shows his addiction is through criticism, which may lead the female to believe the problems are her fault. She may believe that he doesn’t need her, thus becoming insecure about herself and the relationship. She narrows the focus of her life to concentrate on pleasing him.

Your Teen and Romantic Relationships

Your teen is just now jumping into the dating pool, help guide them in making good choices and how to spot relationships that may not be healthy for them. If your teen is already caught up in a relationship that has some concerning warning signs, seek out the guidance of a counselor. Avenues of Counseling and Mediation can help and we have counselors practicing in both the Medina and Akron, Ohio area.

Nicki Masters