Helping Your Teen Build Healthy Relationships with Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the capacity to reflect on your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. It also means you are aware of the wishes, beliefs, and emotions of the people around you. For example, we use EI when we wonder, “what’s gotten into me?” or “why am I so tempered today?” Our teens use their EI when they think, “what’s up with mom and dad?” or “did I do something that ticked her off?”

Our role as parents is to help develop emotional intelligence and be a good example for our kids. Often, teens have other emotional reactions that override their better judgment. They become overly emotional and use no logic. What is likely to trigger these unfortunate affairs? Coming into contact with a parent. The good news is, working your way through conflict with your teen can help develop their EI.

For Example:

Dad: “Hey, it is time to set the table.”

Daughter: “Shh! I’m in the middle of my show and I’ve been waiting all day to watch it.”

Dad: “It doesn’t matter. Set the table.”

Daughter: (with an attitude) “Geez don’t I have the right to watch TV?”

Dad: (angrily) “Stop being a lazy freeloader and set the table NOW; and forget about the movies this weekend.”

Daughter stomps off

The dad after 20 minutes of cooling down, goes upstairs and knocks on the door to talk

Dad: (calmly) “I don’t like what just happened down there between us. I want to apologize for my part in it. I know you have very long days and you love your show. With that said, you need to find a better way to communicate when I ask you to do something and you’re not ready to do it yet. Also, you know that tone of voice will just make me mad. Regardless of what you said, I shouldn’t have called you a lazy freeloader. That was mean and immature. I have had a very long day. That is not an excuse, it is just an explanation. Please come down and set the table.”

 In this example, the father did not just build his daughter’s emotional intelligence, he helped to revive her brain. The repeated practice of reflecting on the patterns of your own mental status will help your child work towards emotional intelligence.