Your Child’s Love Map

Posted by on Jun 8, 2020 in Ask The Therapist, Blog From The Experts | 0 comments

How to “Turn Toward Your Child”

In general, we will spend at least eighteen years with our children and at times feel we know them like the backs of our hands, and at other times like we do not know  them at all. Just as parents continue to learn, have different experiences and make changes in what we like or appreciate, so do our children. Knowing your child’s preferences make it easier to continue a positive connection and bond.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship specialist, encourages parents to make a “Love Map” which creates intimacy and helps them support and empower their children as they continue to develop. In his book, “The Relationship Cure”, he identifies 100 questions that help parents know and understand their children’s likes, feelings and desires which change at different stages of their lives. These questions can be used in a variety of ways. Parents can read them and integrate them in conversations with their children, have one on one time with each child and check in with them or write or type them on slips of paper, put them in a nice container or jar and sit them in the middle of the table, have everyone pull a couple out while having dinner and make them conversation starters once a week.

An example of some of the questions:
1) Who are some of your favorite singers/bands?
2) What are some of your favorite shows (youtubers) movies, videos?
3) Who are your friends/enemies?
4) What would be your ideal vacation or getaway?
5) If you had a sizable sum of money, how would you spend it?
6) Who is your favorite/least favorite relative?
7) Name 3 ways you would prefer to spend your weekend.
8) What was the best time you ever had and why?
9) What are the best and worst parts of your school?
10) What are your comfort foods?
11) What kind of job would you like, do you want to go to college?

The sample of questions is vast, you can add any additional ones you would like and parents and children can connect, have relevant conversations and without texts.

 

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