Anger Management

Counseling for anger issues in Medina, Ohio

Anger is a normal and common response to a specific event, or it can stem from worries regarding an ongoing situation. The emotional expression of anger can vary from feelings of mild irritation or annoyance to an intense feeling of rage. While it is often healthy to express feelings of anger, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to do it. Expressing your angry feelings in a non-aggressive way is the best way to deal with anger. However, this is easier said than done. When angry feelings are suppressed and not addressed openly, it can lead to other problems such as physical (for example high blood pressure) and emotional (possibly depression). Unaddressed anger can take a toll on your work performance and personal relationships and really hinder your daily life. You can learn to address and express anger in a constructive and healthy way to help improve your quality of life.

 

Assertiveness:

 

Being able to express your feelings, thoughts and beliefs is an important skill to have; giving a sense of control and dignity to your life.  However, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to assertively express yourself. When asserting your thoughts or feelings, you need to be honest and direct enough that you are validated and not overlooked, but not so direct your approach is angry or aggressive which could offend or degrade someone else. It is a delicate balancing act to be assertive, while also not violating the rights of others.

Assertive rights are often overlooked. Many people were never taught these rights as children, and many are in relationships that are infringing on these rights. Recognizing and exercising these assertive rights will empower you and boost your self-confidence.

 

You have the right to:

 

  • Be treated with dignity, compassion, and respect at all times
  • Make your own decisions about the course of your life
  • Have dreams and to work toward making those dreams come true
  • Feel good about yourself as a person
  • Choose who will be your friends, whom you will spend time with, and whom you will confide in
  • Make mistakes
  • Change your mind
  • Be happy
  • Ask for what you want
  • Follow your own values and standards
  • Express your own feelings both positive and negative
  • Determine your own priorities
  • Your own needs for personal space and time.
  • Be in a non-abusive environment
  • Change and grow
  • Have your needs and wants respected by others
  • Be uniquely yourself

 

 

Tips on How to Express Anger Appropriately

 

1. Go directly to the person you are angry with: Try to be as direct as possible.  If you are angry with someone, it may help to discuss the situation with a third person for another point of view.  But you will get better results if you go directly to the person you are angry with.

 

2. Select a private setting: If possible find a private place where you and the other person can be alone. This private setting shows that you respect yourself and the other person. Public scenes can make everyone involved embarrassed and uncomfortable.

 

3. Be prepared to listen: This relates to the first rule.  If you are so angry that you cannot hear the other person, wait until you are ready to listen, then find that other person. Research shows, 80% of all great communication is spent listening.

 

4. Stick to the issue: Go back and ask yourself, “What am I threatened or hurt about?” Address that issue.  If that issue is valid, give yourself permission to be angry, but stick to the issue when expressing your anger.

 

5. Display direct eye contact: This can be difficult.  Direct eye contact means you are serious. When you don’t look at the other person, he or she feels discounted, however direct eye contact does not mean staring the other person down.

 

6. State how you feel: Try not to place the blame directly on the other person. Instead of saying something like, “You never listen to me when I’m talking!” Try instead, “Sometimes you make me feel invalid when I feel like you’re not listening to me.” By not directly placing the blame on the other person right away, it invites a more conversational and healthy arguement than the other way.

 

Anger Management Clinicians